


Online Vs IRL

by Choke-a-Bro (Vanya_Deyja)



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: AU, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, in the weirdest possible way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:20:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22290076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanya_Deyja/pseuds/Choke-a-Bro
Summary: Noctis has to remain incognito online but that becomes steadily more difficult as he messages the owner of a blog called 'Dirty Royal Confessions'.
Relationships: Prompto Argentum/Noctis Lucis Caelum
Comments: 57
Kudos: 435





	Online Vs IRL

It’s not unusual for Noctis to wake up to six or seven messages. One or two from Ignis about his day, one from Gladio about training and four or five from the forums.

Noctis has been allowed to keep accounts on various websites but they have to be totally incognito. No selfies, minimal identifying information, no real time specifics about his location or plans. It’s totally annoying but Noctis sort of understands the necessity behind it. He couldn’t post two hundred really political memes ragging on Niffs if the account was revealed to be his. To keep his freedom he also has to maintain his anonymity.

Noctis loves online communities because when he’s incognito no one treats him special. Any preference he earns is exactly that; _earnt_. People decide they like him or not based of his actions and his words. The problem is most people find his degree of obfuscation off-putting. They tend to assume he’s actually some forty year old man in a basement or something, you know? Which, fair, but frustrating.

Some people seem to genuinely believe Noctis is only a nineteen but certain questions have come up from time to time. Noctis can only default to explaining; _‘my family’s really protective_ ’.

Noctis does a slew of things online; he roleplays as an obtuse AU of a character from a popular movie franchise, he games, he posts on forums, he maintains a blog and a trash talking twitter. It’s his own little niche. He gets to talk shit here. He can pick fights, he can call people inbred assholes, and he revels in it.

Noctis is just scrolling on his phone this afternoon, clicking through blog recommendations to increasingly obscure corners of the internet, when he finds it.

He’s not even totally sure how he got here but…

 _Wow_.

The blog is called Dirty-Royal-Confessions and that in itself should be a road sign that Noctis needs to abort mission but here he is. He realises, with an increasingly slack jaw, that the entire blog is anonymous confessions from people who want to fuck; his Dad, various nobles, Ignis, Gladio and _him_.

Actually there’s a lot about people wanting to bang his princely ass.

 _Holy shit_.

Noctis sees some things he kind of wishes he could unsee. He knows the people of Lucis are loyal and crown approval is high but he did not need to know some chick wants to peg him and another guy wants to give him fellatio. Like that’s… that’s a lot. Noctis whistles low, tumbling into a laugh, and like…

Fuck, has Iggy seen this? Has Gladio? Gods, that’d be a laugh. The amount of posts about Gladio’s incredible fat tits alone are—Actually, that’s fair. Gladio has incredible tits. He’d probably be proud people across Lucis are ogling his well worked physique.

But Ignis…?

Ignis would probably be upset. Ignis doesn’t much care about other people or their opinions but he works very hard to be respected. He’d find this demeaning. Worse, if he saw all the posts about Noctis? Ignis would be _furious_. Ignis loves Noctis, probably more than anyone, and if he knew people were just casually objectifying Noctis like he’s not even a real person? Ignis would be heartbroken and furious and…

Noctis opens a chat window to the blog owner.

[Supernumerary: You know you’re talking about real people? Right?]

He doesn’t expect the blog owner to reply but they start typing pretty immediately. Do they get many direct messages? Noctis doesn’t care. They’ve got like five thousand followers but Noctis will personally troll each and every one of them if he has to.

[Dirty-Royal-Confessions: yeah! But they’re celebrities. Who hasn’t fantasied about a celebrity?]

[Supernumerary: Yeah but they’re not people who chose to be famous. They’re public servants trying to serve their country or they’re people born into a position of immense stress and scrutiny.]

[Dirty-Royal-Confessions: that’s true, I guess, but I seriously doubt the King is going to be reading my blog. So what’s the harm?]

[Supernumerary: Maybe not the King, sure, but some of these people are barely in their twenties. They’ll be online.]

[Dirty-Royal-Confessions: but isn’t is kind of flattering then?]

Noctis checks the age of the blog.

[Supernumerary: Prince Noctis turned eighteen less than two years ago. Your blog is four years old. You have any posts relating to the Prince before he turned eighteen? I’m kind of curious if the Crown would consider that soliciting child pornography.]

[Supernumerary: Should we find out?]

[Dirty-Royal-Confessions: Dude. That’s stone cold. If you don’t like it don’t follow. I’m blocking you now.]

Noctis scoffs. Blocking him won’t mean he can’t find the blog. Just means he can’t find it with his account. Noctis has like three accounts.

Still Noctis is fairly sure he’s given them a cold chill up their spine and for now that’s satisfying enough. The only other thing he can do is escalate. He doesn’t want to involve Ignis, that would just make him upset after all. Maybe he should report the blog? Yeah, he’ll do that.

Noctis logs into another account, scrolls back through their timeline, finds a few particularly juicy posts about his underage ass, screenshots them and attaches them in a complaint to the host website.

* * *

Two days later Dirty-Royal-Confessions is gone and another blog contacts Noctis. Looks to be the personal account of the dirty confessions blog owner.

[ChocoboPuffs: Dude did you report me?]

[Supernumerary: Yep dude <3]

[ChocoboPuffs: OMG fuck you!]

[Supernumerary: Maybe don’t be a fucking sleaze next time <3]

[ChocoboPuffs: look it was just a joke. I started posting dirty confessions about the Prince and stuff when I was still in high school. It just spiralled into a thing when I realised other people were into other Crownsfolk.]

[Supernumerary: That’s cool. I get it. But I’m not sorry.]

[ChocoboPuffs: it’s really shitty that I lose four years of posts now. The Prince is like 19 now. Those posts were ancient. Did you have to be that petty? Or do you just like feeling high and superior? As if you don’t have any kinks you troll.]

[Supernumerary: Oh I definitely have kinks. But a lot of my family work for the Crown. If you said that shit about my brother he’d be really upset. I can only imagine some of the people you’re posting about would be pretty upset too.]

[ChocoboPuffs: it’s just people’s fantasies. It’s not hurting anyone.]

[Supernumerary: Maybe but, like I said, the people you’re posting about didn’t ask to be famous. They’re not looking for fan clubs. They’re trying to pass laws and protect the borders and shit.]

[ChocoboPuffs: it’s the twenty-first century. Maybe if its such a big deal they should make a statement about it then? Besides, the blog was literally called ‘Dirty Royal Confessions’ that’s like eating peanut butter when you’re allergic and complaining the store shouldn’t stock nuts.]

[Supernumerary: Well… that’s a fair point. I can’t stop you from making another blog. Tag it 18+ and start fresh. I’ve had my fun and I can’t really get you on that child porn rule if you don’t have any old posts.]

[ChocoboPuffs: ugh… you gonna keep hazing me?]

[Supernumerary: Nah. I’m done.] 

[ChocoboPuffs: you seriously haven’t ever wanted to sleep with one of the Glaive or Crownsguard?]

[Supernumerary: I mean… Gladiolus Amicitia has A-MAZ-ING fucking tits. I’ll give you that. I would sit on his face.]

[ChocoboPuffs: lol <3]

[Supernumerary: You gonna re-start your blog?]

[ChocoboPuffs: yeah. I am. It was cathartic. I liked running it.]

[Supernumerary: I can be your first post <3]

[ChocoboPuffs: as long as I can tag your confession ‘From Asshole’?]

[Supernumerary: I’m down. Enemies to Lovers 40k PWP]

[ChocoboPuffs: pffff you wish! You’re still totally a spiteful troll <3]

[Supernumerary: And you’re a sleazy pervert <3]

In a show of solidarity Noctis follows ChocoboPuffs and ChocoboPuffs, evidently being equal parts stubborn, follows him back. They’re now mutuals. Which is great.

Noctis will admit maybe he went a bit overboard. It was just a stupid blog. He just couldn’t get Iggy’s face out of his head at first. Doesn’t seem to do much harm though because ins less than twenty-four hours ChocoboPuffs is linking to a new and improved Dirty-Royal-Confessions blog which quickly amasses back two of the original five thousand followers.

* * *

Noctis kind of expects ChocoboPuffs to quietly unfollow him in the next few weeks but it looks like they actually have a few things in common. ChocoboPuffs likes the same gay fanart for King’s Knight which is really telling but Noctis honestly should’ve expected it. ChocoboPuffs also has some really good taste in music so Noctis sticks around too.

They spend the next few weeks liking each other’s posts, mainly memes, and speak no more of the Dirty-Royal-Confessions debacle. The blog’s back to four thousand followers pretty quickly. Noctis scrolls through it occasionally. Sort of a guilty pleasure kind of thing. The things people want to do to Cor! To Nyx! So obscene.

He tends to scroll past the ones about him though.

ChocoboPuffs posts a link to his Instagram on his personal blog and Noctis clicks through out of vague curiosity. It strikes him instantly that ChocoboPuffs is an Insomnia local and he’s like a legit photographer. None of the shots are of him personally but there’s some really gorgeous cityscapes. He can make graffiti look really artsy. Noctis whistles low.

[Supernumerary: you’re actually really talented dude, sick photos of Kingshire.]

[ChocoboPuffs: thanks arch-nemesis! You a Crowncity local too?]

[Supernumerary: Yep life-long rival! Digging the monorail shot. Didn’t think Lucis Prep could look any more ominous. Those old buildings are fucking G O T H I C C.]

[ChocoboPuffs: OMG yes. Did you know anyone who went there? Cute uniforms, pretty boys who can afford nice hair gel… ugh. I used to ogle them when the lacrosse team came to do regionals]

[Supernumerary: Dude they’re all like mega stuck up. You’re just hot for it cause Prince Whatshisface went there.]

[ChocoboPuffs: Guilty. He didn’t play lacrosse though. I checked. Hey, you said your family’s in Crown service right? Has your brother or whatever ever met him?]

[Supernumerary; sad to report the Prince is actually sixteen ferrets in a trench coat. Sorry.]

[ChocoboPuffs: LIAR! How could ferrets get such nice hair?]

[Supernumerary: It’s all CGI. They edit it in post before the news stations air it.]

[ChocoboPuffs: LOL you’re so full of shit.]

[Supernumerary: least I don’t want to suck ferret dick <3]

[ChocoboPuffs: you know, I’ve been thinking, it would be really good for my emotional well-being if I could hit you really hard in King’s Knight.]

[Supernumerary: I mean, ditto. Friend/mortal enemies code?]

[ChocoboPuffs: 5467-9900-8883]

[Supernumerary: 4436-9987-3961]

[ChocoboPuffs: I’m going to smash your face in <3]

[Supernumerary: I bet you’re a fucking newbie. I bet you put all your skill points into building fucking archery or something. Loser.]

[ChocoboPuffs: ARCHERY IS MAD LEGIT DON’T @ ME.]

[Supernumerary: ARCHERY IS FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN’T DO MELEE. DIE MAD.]

[ChocoboPuffs: GET YOUR ASS ON THE APP MOTHERFUCKER!]

[Supernumerary: I APOLOGISE FOR HOW HARD IM ABOUT TO POUND YOUR ASS WHITE BOY.]

[ChocoboPuffs: FUCK YOU!]

Okay, maybe ChocoboPuffs is pretty cool.

He’s growing on Noctis anyway.

* * *

Noctis finds himself chatting to ChocoboPuffs more and more. Which is odd at first but he’s a funny guy even if he’s shit at melee. Noctis isn’t expecting ChocoboPuffs to push things any further but, in some ways, he supposes it’s only natural when the other knows Noctis is a Crowncity local too.

[ChocoboPuffs: hey, dick head! Are you going to the convention next week? Do you want to meet up? I’ll buy you fries but not water so you shrivel up and die of sodium <3]

[Supernumerary: a tempting proposition!]

Noctis snorts but has to consider it for a second. He’s not supposed to meet anyone from his personal accounts. It could cause a debacle. But Noctis _is_ going to the convention next weekend and he’ll be in blue body paint with a purple wig so isn’t he still technically undercover…? After all the plan is to go incognito with an _‘invisible escort_ ’ aka namely Gladio and Ignis with concealed weapons wishing they were literally anywhere else.

[Supernumerary: I am going if I can get the day off work. Roster’s not out yet. Can I have a selfie so I know you’re not an actual serial killer?]

[ChocoboPuffs: Sure, I’ll just send my wanted poster.]

[ChocoboPuffs: *IMAGE ATTACHED*]

Well, shit, ChocoboPuffs is cute…

He’s about Noctis’ age. Which makes sense because they graduated the same year. He’s blonde, blue eyed, freckled… Yeah, Noctis dreams about making out with boys that cute on the regular.

Reverse image search reveals no copies from google or anywhere obvious so maybe that is him? Noctis can’t lock himself in. He needs to clear this with Ignis but maybe he can do that without blowing his cover.

[Supernumerary: I’ll send my phone number, okay? I’m going Saturday if I’m going at all. Text me and we’ll meet up if I can get there?]

[ChocoboPuffs: sure! I’m going to look very stylish so, like, don’t be too jealous.]

[Supernumerary: oh no the internet pervert’s going to be slutting it up! However will I cope?]

[ChocoboPuffs: FUCK YOU.]

[Supernumerary: CHOKE ON A DICK.]

They switch to actual texting in the next hour which is great because between the photo and the phone number Noctis should be able to track down this guy’s name and do a background check…

* * *

“So, let me get this straight?” Ignis clears his throat. “You want me to run a background check on some boy you’ve met on the internet so you can meet him at a convention?”

“Totally normal nineteen year old stuff, give or take,” Noctis shrugs.

“You don’t even know this boy’s real name.” Ignis scoffs, unamused. “He could be anyone.”

“That’s why I’m getting you to run a background check!” Noctis defends.

“Does this boy know he’s meeting the crown prince of Lucis?”

“No, he thinks he’s meeting some dick head from the internet.” Noctis shrugs. “He doesn’t know very much about me either. Nothing to blow my cover.”

“And you don’t suppose your face—?”

“I’m going to be _blue_.” Noctis snorts. “And I’ve got that wig, remember? I’m just gonna hang out with him for a few hours. That’s all.”

“If it’s such a minor thing, why do you have to meet him at all?” Ignis needles.

“I just…” Noctis shrugs. “He’s funny. It’d be nice, ya know? If it goes bad nothing lost but if it goes good maybe I’ll have a normal friend. You can vet him this way. Like a secret interview.”

“Show me the photo,” Gladio grunts, getting in between the bickering.

Ignis sighs and hands over Noctis’ phone.

“Guy’s a twig. I can take him.” Gladio snorts. “Where’d you find this beansprout?”

“Tumblr.”

“What the fuck’s tumblr?” Gladio perks one brow.

“A literal level of Hell.” Ignis sighs.

“It’s a trash fire. I like it.” Noctis shrugs.

“Right,” Gladio dismisses, “whatever. I think you should run the background check, Iggy. Let Princess play pretend for a few hours.”

Noctis blinks, gaze drifting to Gladio. His Shield is an asshole some days but he does genuinely have Noctis’ back and when he winks subtly at his Prince like that Noctis knows Gladio’s just pressing Ignis for his benefit. Noctis mouths ‘ _thank you_ ’ while Ignis scowls at the photograph again.

“Ugh, fine.” Ignis huffs. “I’ll investigate. If he has so much as a speeding fine—”

“We’ll take him out and throw his body in a dumpster, got it.” Gladio nods sagely.

“I did not say—!” Ignis flusters.

“Murder’s necessary sometimes, totally get it,” Noctis agrees, taking his phone back.

Ignis groans. “You have recruits to train and _you_ ,” he rounds on Noctis, “have a meeting to attend.”

“Yay. Meeting.” Noctis groans, eyes rolling.

Ignis is really perturbed when the background check comes back spotless a day later. The photo and the phone number are legitimate too. They belong to a humble Crown City citizen called Prompto Argentum. In reviewing the background check Noctis finds much of what Prompto has told him is true. At least as true as you’d tell a relative stranger. Prompto’s studying photography at the Lucian College of the Arts too which is cool. Noctis thinks that suits him.

Noctis doesn’t give Ignis all the details but he lays out the basics of his cover story. All Prompto currently knows is that Noctis is a college student at Insomniac University with family, a brother, serving the Crown. Prompto knows he went to Lucis Prep and that he’s been in the Crown City all his life.

“Honestly this is it?” Ignis supposes. “I’m surprised this boy hasn’t asked _you_ for a background check. What on earth do you talk about?”

“Games, memes…” Noctis shrugs.

“What does he even call you?” Ignis sighs.

“Nume.”

“Nume?” Ignis deadpans. “And what do you call him?”

“Puffs.” Noctis supplies.

“Those are prison yard pseudonyms.” Ignis moans, pinching the bridge of his nose. “The crown prince of Lucis; _Nume_.”

“In my defense I think it’s cute.” Noctis shrugs.

* * *

Noctis has a comm. piece in his ear but the blue light has been painted over so you wouldn’t know its real and not just part of his elaborate costume. Ignis and Gladio are dressed down and will never be more than ten feet away from him. Even if he can’t necessarily see them they will always be able to see him. They’re celebrities in their own right so they’ve had to wear a little stage make up to get away with slumming it but its nothing compared to Noctis’ blue body paint and neon purple braided wig. The rest of the outfit is very sci-fi and Noctis doesn’t think it’s especially revealing but Ignis hums disapprovingly at the thigh high boots hugging his trim legs.

The comm piece is two way. Ignis and Gladio can hear Noctis and Noctis can hear them. Tracking’s on the earpiece as well as Noctis’ phone in case they get separated. It’s all very thorough but the King insists on stringent protections for his only heir. Noctis’ position affords this kind of paranoia but honestly the craziest thing is that Regis is passionate about letting Noctis attend his stupid conventions unhampered by stress. That’s why Noctis’ Dad, however irritating sometimes, is still amazing.

Noctis texts ChocoboPuffs at the fountain outside the convention centre.

[NUME: I actually made it! Just checking cosplay is in order outside by the fountain. You in yet?]

[PUFFS: My train was laaaaate! I’m just coming up the block. I’ll meet you at the fountain if you want? What’re you wearing~?]

[NUME: I’m blue you fucking slut~]

[PUFFS; the sensual power of teal~]

[NUME; I’M SAVOY AZURE YOU ABSOLUTE TRASH MAN]

[PUFFS: # SORRY NOT SORRY]

Noctis recognises his new companion from the selfie and the driver’s license they found in the background check but he’s impossibly more freckled in person. It’s adorable.

“You’re horrendously cute in person.” Noctis greets, whipping the end of his braid back over his shoulder.

“And you’re like disgustingly gorgeous,” the blonde laughs, “those legs man!”

“I have killed myself for these legs.” Noctis laughs back proudly.

“I bet you could crush a man’s skull between those thighs,” he nods, thrusting his hand out to add; “it’s Prompto, by the way. Now I know you’re not twelve ducks in a floral dress.”

“Hi Prompto,” Noctis shakes his hand firmly.

“This is the part where you tell me your name.” Prompto nudges.

“My name’s bad luck.” Noctis decides. “Especially for a first date. Nume is fine.”

“How can it be bad luck? _It’s your name_.” Prompto scoffs.

“I ask myself that every day.” Noctis shrugs.

“Alright, Loser,” Prompto laughs, not letting go of his hand but tugging him closer by it instead. “Wanna head inside?”

“Yeah, sure,” Noctis grins. “And, considering I have so wronged you—”

“Absolutely, you fucking urchin.” Prompto nods sagely.

“How about I pay for your pass?” Noctis offers.

“You sure dude?” Prompto hesitates. “Like that’d be real nice but don’t feel like you’ve got to. Those things are like twenty gil.”

“Totally cool.” Noctis promises. “Come on.”

* * *

Noctis knows that, whatever Ignis might be thinking, Gladio thinks Prompto’s _hilarious_. Noctis can hear Gladio laughing at him every time Prompto casually calls Noctis a _‘loser_ ’ or ‘ _a fucking urchin_ ’ or whatever. Obviously Prompto’s really speaking Gladio’s love language today.

Noctis and Prompto head inside and start investigating the booths. They find particularly raunchy fanart at the Artist Alley which Prompto coos at, tugging Noctis along, and they debate over which voice actors and TV stars they want to see at the panel.

“He plays a CGI rat.” Prompto snorts.

“ _He’s not a rat!_ ” Noctis is outraged.

“We are absolutely going to the Gaia-Ka Panel. They’ve got the original voice of Yumi.” Prompto insists, shoving the pamphlet under his nose.

“Bullshit, they do not.” Noctis fumbles, gathering up the pamphlet and—“Holy shit they do!”

“Come on, you gorgeous mess,” Prompto laughs, fishing his hand up again between their bags of purchases.

“Did you know she was coming?” Noctis supposes, following willingly.

“Nah dude but we can’t miss the chance!” Prompto insists.

Prompto’s been real casual about holding his hand. It’s kind of amazing. Most people are terrified to touch Noctis. Even Ignis touches Noctis with this reverence like he’s going to break or something. Prompto grabs him and manhandles him like Gladio almost. It’s the best and because Prompto’s his age and more or less his build it feels more playful than overwhelming. Like Noctis is just one of the guys.

“What’s IU like?” Prompto asks as they walk. “I like LCA but, like, I wanna feel _fancy_.”

“It’s okay.” Noctis shrugs. “Kind of too fancy for me.”

“I knew you’d say that,” Prompto snorts. “I bet, underneath all that teal, you scrub up real fancy when you want to.”

“It’s savoy azure!” Noctis maintains, but his dismay is primarily playful at its core. “Honestly I don’t know why you’d wanna come to IU. LCA seems way cooler.”

“There’s this plaque in the ground in the main courtyard and there’s this legend that if you step on it you won’t graduate in four years unless you touch the balls of the horse statue twenty feet away in thirty seconds. It’s _intense._ ” 

“Have you touched horse balls?” Noctis laughs.

“Many a time,” Prompto nods sagely. “It’s a rite of passage; playing with ruin so.”

* * *

The panel’s a total scream. Noctis wolf whistles. It’s great. But with that done the day’s wrapping up. Prompto takes a photo of the dispersing panel and wheezes into a slouch in the cheap seat.

“You want those fries?” He tempts.

“Yeah let’s do it,” Noctis agrees, slipping up.

At the café in the convention centre they eat half warm fat fries at a cheap plastic table with sore feet. Noctis can’t remember the last time he had this much fun. He’s kind of terrified it’s going to have to end soon and he still doesn’t know how to bridge the subject of his secret identity to Prompto.

“You wanna catch the train to my place?” Prompto offers. “I’m only like twenty minutes out from here. We can order a way better pizza.”

“I don’t know, dude,” Noctis sighs.

“I’ll pay for you to get a cab home later?” Prompto promises.

“Nah man, I’ve got a family thing tonight,” Noctis skews the truth fluidly. “Besides, I don’t have any clothes and this paint would stain your couch something wicked.”

“Yeah, true.” Prompto laughs. “You know…”

“Yeah?” Noctis nudges.

“For my internet nemesis you’re stupidly fun.” Prompto admits. “I’ve had a really nice time.”

“Ditto,” Noctis grins.

“So we can’t do pizza tonight, that’s fine, but maybe sometime soon?” Prompto tempts.

“Like… as friends?” Noctis pauses.

“Maybe,” Prompto shrugs.

“You don’t even know what colour my hair is,” Noctis snorts, unsure how to handle being flirted with. He’s so glad the face paint will obscure how his cheeks are heating. It’s not every day a gorgeous blonde asks him out to pizza.

“Who cares? I know what your laugh sounds like.” Prompto answers, disarmingly sweet and sincere, before adding; “and your legs make up for _everything_.”

Noctis laughs too hard for a second.

“I’d like that, maybe.” Noctis dithers despite his gut instinct.

“You have to tell me your real name then.” Prompto presses.

“Dude!” Noctis snorts. “Why?”

“I can’t kiss you if I don’t know your _real name_.” Prompto insists.

“Who says you’re kissing me?” Noctis argues, despite how his gut clenches.

“Well I’m not with that attitude!” Prompto huffs, crossing his arms. “All I’m saying is that this convention centre has a perfectly good bathroom and, _well_ …” Prompto rolls his hand. “But if you don’t want to…”

Noctis feels his breath catch and he must look like he’s considering it because in his earpiece Ignis whispers;

“ _Don’t even think about it, young sir._ ”

“As nice as that would be,” Noctis assures despite his own reluctance, “save it for next time? Make you a deal; next time you can have my name and I can have a kiss. Agreed?”

“If you ghost me I will curse you for the next ten thousand years.” Prompto warns, thrusting his pinkie finger out for a pinkie promise.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Noctis promises, hooking their pinkies and shaking them.

“Should I let you get home, dude?” Prompto supposes.

“Yeah,” Noctis sighs. “Thanks Prom, I had a really nice time.”

“Text me and we’ll do it again,” Prompto grins.

“I’ve got that family thing,” Noctis reminds, “but once that’s done I’ll text, okay? We’ve got to beat that extra boss in the Frost World too.”

“Well, personally,” Prompto prefaces, “I think we should sink 10k in arrows and—”

“Oh my god! I’m going!” Noctis laughs, pushing up. “Bye you idiot!”

“Bye Loser!” Prompto laughs, waving him off warmly.

* * *

Ignis makes him sit on a towel in the Regalia so he doesn’t get body paint on the leather. Gladio keeps chuckling and eventually Noctis gets sick of it;

“What?” He demands.

“I don’t think you’ve stopped smiling for twenty minutes,” Gladio laughs.

“ _So?_ ” Noctis huffs. “I had fun! What’s wrong with that?”

“He was very improper.” Ignis sighs tensely.

“I’m sure the kid’s got better manners when he realises he’s talking to royalty.” Gladio dismisses calmly. “He was a scream though, Iggy, you gotta concede.”

“I suppose…” Ignis doesn’t sound like he likes the idea of conceding anything.

“I had a really good time,” Noctis repeats, hoping Ignis will take that on board. “Can I see him again?”

“He can’t come to your apartment under these circumstances and you certainly can’t go to his home.” Ignis stews. “We would need to decide on an appropriate venue. If he takes the news badly we don’t want a scene.”

“The news…?” Noctis hesitates.

“I assume you meant what you said about telling him your name?” Ignis elaborates.

“Well, yeah…” Noctis feels his face fall, glancing out the window. Will that change things?

“It’ll be fine,” Gladio insists suddenly, firmly. “Maybe he’ll be surprised but he’ll get over it. It’s good news. You’re good news. And you don’t want to give up on seeing him again, do you? Feeling like that again?”

“No,” Noctis agrees with a gentle certainty as Gladio tries to secure him.

“Iggy’ll find a nice quiet venue and you can explain things and it’ll be fine.” Gladio determines but it kind of sounds like he’s giving Ignis instructions and reassurances as much as Noctis at this point.

“I can’t believe you considered letting some boy kiss you in a public bathroom,” Ignis grumbles softly, distracted and evidently not perfectly eased.

Noctis realises, slowly, that his friends are doing that thing again. The thing were they basically become his parents. Gladio’s gone full protective dad mode. He wants to help Noctis feel normal. Ignis is full on mother hen right now too; mortified his little baby’s thinking about getting frisky with common boys.

Noctis is lucky they love him so much.

He snorts, a little bemused but mostly just tired.

* * *

Prompto texts that night when Noctis doesn’t get back to him for a few hours. Noctis is showered by then, pink instead of blue, and slipped into his pjs he’s feeling way more human. He slumps into bed, hair still wet, and picks up his phone.

[PROMPTO: still blue?]

[NUME: pink!]

[PROMPTO: send a selfie?]

[NUME: nah I’m gonna surprise you <3]

[PROMPTO: surprise me with nudes?]

[NUME: keep dreaming!]

[PROMPTO: hey, this might be totally gay but I got some killer good news!]

[NUME: yeah?]

[PROMPTO; some of my photos are getting shown in an exhibit for young artists I submitted them for. It’s just a small gallery but I’m mega excited. You wanna come and hang out for the night?]

[NUME: that’s great! Congrats! What night?]

[PROMPTO: next Thursday. Down on Laurette St. 7pm till late.]

Noctis considers it. A small gallery where there’s likely to be almost no press? If he shows up unannounced with a guard he might just get away with it. Maybe Ignis can call the venue and offer them exclusive photos if they promise not to let it slip outside the doors when Noctis does arrive?

[NUME: sounds amazing! Do I gotta dress fancy?]

[PROMPTO: button up shirt. Think you can manage that?]

[NUME: I might have one I can borrow.]

Noctis hopes, prays, that Prompto will understand.

He chews on his bottom lips and adds;

[NUME: would you be mad if I was in the mob or something? Or a Niff?]

[PROMPTO: I’m a Niff. Technically.]

[NUME: Seriously?]

[PROMPTO: yeah, I was adopted out when I was a baby! So if you’re a Niff I’ll still think you’re the best. If you leave one star yelp reviews for fun and don’t wash your hands after using the bathroom? Then we’re gonna have problems. Niff is fine <3]

[NUME: Well… You know how I said my family works for the Crown? Yeah, a lot of my family does. Like everyone. Old family.]

[PROMPTO: OMG are you noble…?]

[NUME: technically?]

[PROMPTO: you’re like the trashiest noble I’ve ever met! They should kick you out of the club!]

[NUME: Lifetime membership’s got me covered <3]

[PROMPTO: will I recognise you? Like from the news or anything?]

[NUME: Probably…?]

[PROMPTO: OMG]

[PROMPTO: OMFG]

Noctis sits up in bed.

[NUME: What…?]

[PROMPTO: omg omg omg]

[PROMPTO: have I posted stuff on Dirty-Royal-Confessions about your immediate family? Or extended family? OR YOU? OMFG. Tell me right now.]

Noctis bites his bottom lip.

[NUME: well…]

[PROMPTO: OMG I HAVE?!?]

[NUME: yeaaaaaah…]

[PROMPTO: OMFG NO WONDER YOU WERE SALTY FIRST TIME WE SPOKE]

[PROMPTO: omg this is so embarrassing…]

[NUME: Sorry dude…]

[PROMPTO: well, I mean, plus side- you must be hot when you’re not blue too!]

[NUME; lol I guess?]

[PROMPTO: I’m sorry dude. I didn’t think anyone would actually find that blog. Not actually. Geeze…]

[NUME: it’s cool. The blog’s grown on me a lot. It’s funny. It was just kind of shocking when I found it so I over reacted.]

[PROMPTO: totally fair though! Are you okay…?]

[NUME: I just really liked hanging out with you today. I don’t want to blow it by freaking you out…]

[PROMPTO: DUDE I POSTED ANONYMOUS CONFESSIONS ABOUT PEOPLE WANTING TO BONE YOU/R FAMILY AND STUFF! Totally not your fault here. I’m just like… super amazed you still wanted to come spend time with me…? I’d hate me!]

[NUME: you’re just horny and harmless. You don’t mean anything bad by it. And you’re like super fun and funny. I like you loads.]

[PROMPTO: dude I do not deserve this. I’m so sorry.]

[NUME: it’s fine. I just wish I’d kissed you today.]

[PROMPTO: Me too but… it’ll be even better when I’ve got your name and I’m kissing you <3]

[NUME: Can’t wait <3 ]

* * *

Noctis is literally sweating through his shirt as they drive to the art gallery on Thursday. He’s going to lose it any second now.

“Noctis if you’re uncomfortable we can reschedule at a more secure venue.” Ignis assures from the driver’s seat.

“He’s nervous cause he likes this guy, genius,” Gladio grunts, twisting in his seat to look back at Noctis. “Look, it’s going to be okay. Alright? If he starts panicking we’ll move you somewhere quiet and you can explain.”

“R-right…” Noctis forces a deep breath.

They’ve got two more Crownsguard to keep things civil and the venue’s promised to keep outside press out of it but Noctis still isn’t soothed. He doesn’t care if he makes a scene. He just doesn’t want Prompto to freak out.

“Deep breaths, okay?” Gladio prompts. “This is gonna be an endurance test. Marathon not a race. You’ve got to stay calm. If you freak out, he will _absolutely_ freak out.”

Noctis nods sternly, trying to prepare himself.

His phone buzzes.

[PROMPTO: OMG dude this place looks so amazing! And all my photos are on display! Aaaaaah!]

[NUME: almost there! Can’t wait to see all your stuff.]

[PROMPTO: hurry up! I need someone to pinch me and tell me this is real!]

Noctis certainly isn’t going to help the surreal feeling….

They park out the back and Noctis is greeted by the gallery owner before discreetly being escorted in.

“I must say, we are delighted to have you Highness,” the manager obviously isn’t used to hosting royalty but they’re trying their best and Noctis appreciates the genuine excitement. “However did you find out about our showing?”

“I’m a fan of one of the artists.” Noctis admits vaguely. “I follow him on Instagram.”

“Marvellous!” The manager delights letting him into the fairy lights and glass of the showroom. “I’ll let you have a look around. If you need anything please don’t hesitate to ask myself or any of the staff.”

“Thank you,” Noctis forces a smile despite his gut turning nerves. He’s so going to throw up.

Noctis whips his phone out quietly, giving the interconnected showrooms a quick scan while Ignis and Gladio take stock of the primary security concerns and flank him. Noctis texts frantically

[NUME: where are you?]

[PROMPTO: Back West corner! Near snacks~ Where are you?]

[NUME: one sec. Came in the back. All turned around.]

[PROMPTO: through the back~? Fancy~! OMG do you have bodyguards…?]

[NUME: please don’t freak out]

[PROMPTO: …dude you do not legit have bodyguards.]

[PROMPTO: ….do you?]

[NUME: please please please don’t freak out]

Prompto must send three or four more frantic texts in quick succession because Noctis’ phone is buzzing hard in his pocket but he tucks it away to set his eyes ahead of him. He takes a deep breath before rounding every corner and then—

He spots Prompto frantically texting across the showroom.

Prompto’s art is up.

It does look pretty amazing.

Prompto’s shaking his head at his phone like he’s amazed.

Noctis takes a deep breath and braces for impact.

Gods this is going to be _bad_.

Noctis crosses the showroom mostly alone, Gladio and Ignis hanging back just a little, and when he’s closer he pauses. Prompto’s still texting so, clearing his throat cautiously, Noctis greets;

“Please don’t freak out…?”

Prompto startles, glancing up.

It takes maybe three seconds for Prompto to compute what’s happening. He looks at Noctis, at his phone, obviously starts to recognise him and—

Prompto goes white as a sheet, eyes big as saucers, and—

Noctis lunges forward.

He catches Prompto before he hits the floor and Gladio’s beside them in a second.

“Fainting? _Seriously?_ ” Gladio snorts. “You two are as bad as each other.”

The security rush to them and Noctis eases Prompto onto the floor in his arms. Ignis, always great for disasters, starts firing off orders getting a waiter to get them some water for Prompto. Prompto’s obviously spinning out but he’s not totally unconscious either. He groans, groping his face, and Noctis tries to keep him steady all while fighting the urge to throw up himself.

“We’ve got a staff room…?” A server tell Ignis helpfully.

“Can we—?” Noctis barely has time to get the words out before Gladio is hefting Prompto into his arms.

Noctis follows them into the little gallery staff room and watches, mortified, as Gladio puts Prompto down on the old green couch.

“All yours,” Gladio pats his shoulder in passing, heading back to the door.

Prompto has his head between his knees, groaning softly, and Noctis is kind of terrified he’ll make it worse but he creeps cautiously closer and comes to sit beside the blonde on the couch. He’s too embarrassed to touch Prompto, even though he wants too, and tries to find his words.

“I was going to make out with the Crown Prince in a public bathroom…” Prompto moans, face buried.

Noctis wrings his fingers helplessly.

“To be fair I totally wanted to…?” He tries uselessly.

“The Prince of Lucis found my _kink blog_.” Prompto continues to reel. “My kink blog with really explicit things about me, personally, wanting to suck his dick.”

Noctis shrugs, unsure what to say.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you sooner,” he tries again. “I wasn’t allowed for a while and then I was… I was scared and…”

“This is totally not how I pictured meeting _you_.” Prompto laughs miserably.

“Is this bad…?” Noctis sags, heart breaking.

“I mean…” Prompto lifts his head. “Technically I just won the lottery but, like… _Oh god, I’m so embarrassed…_ ”

“You’re amazing,” Noctis insists. “I don’t want to stop spending time with you. I know this is weird but, please, you don’t have anything to be embarrassed about.”

“Did Gladiolus Amicitia just carry me in here…?” Prompto supposes, obviously still reeling.

“Uh…” Noctis winces, not sure if he should answer that.

Prompto moans and buries his face again.

“Please talk to me…?” Noctis begs.

“I’m such a creep…” Prompto groans.

“You’re literally the best.”

“I just don’t know how to be un-weird about it.” Prompto admits. “I guess I—I don’t know. I’m kind of mortified.”

“Should I leave…?” Noctis sags.

Prompto considers it for a moment. “No, please stay.” He decides. “I’m just… I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t bother me, none of it bothers me,” Noctis promises. “I like you too much to care about any of that. I just desperately want you to let me stay.”

“Real talk?” Prompto takes a deep breath, sitting a little straighter. “You’re way more handsome in person than I thought would be legal.”

Noctis laughs weakly. “Thanks.”

“You’re also way funnier and sweeter than the press makes it seem like,” Prompto murmurs. “I didn’t figure you’d be so…” Prompto shakes his head. “What were you hoping to do tonight? Is this goodbye…?”

“No,” Noctis promises. “I wanted to see your photos and celebrate. Then on the weekend I wanna get that pizza.”

“I’d like all of that.” Prompto smiles hesitantly.

Noctis feels a surge of relief swell through him. Prompto’s okay. It’s going to be okay. He hasn’t totally screwed this up.

Prompto reaches out, tentative, and Noctis gathers up his hand in both his own tightly.

“This is so surreal,” Prompto whispers. “Like part of me knows you’re a complete idiot but then you’re _the Prince_. I’m still trying to consolidate both those parts, you know? The voice I recognise from some convention and the face I recognise from the news are not gelling right now.”

“You’ll just have to get used to me,” Noctis encourages.

“I feel like this is karma,” Prompto laughs softly; “as payment for my perversion I get to meet every noble I’ve ever posted graphic smut about on the internet.”

“Well, let’s start with Iggy and Gladio?” Noctis appeals.

“ _Iggy?_ Oh fuck that’s like super cute.” Prompto laughs with a little more confidence. “He lets you call him that?”

“Just me and Gladio.” Noctis shrugs. “I’m sure you could get in on the club if you start now.”

“This is _so weird_ …” Prompto runs his free hand through his hair. “I got like bridal carried by Gladiolus fat-tits Amicit—”

“Gladiolus _what?_ ” Gladio grunts, sticking his head back into the staff room.

Prompto squeaks, fire engine red, and Noctis laughs.

“It’s your street name,” Noctis answers, grinning.

“Well, I mean, I do have nice tits.” Gladio concedes, shutting the door behind him. “Are you two alright?”

“Yeah, I think so…?” Noctis turns to Prompto who nods, sheepishly blushing and pawing at his neck under Gladio’s scrutiny.

“Should we head back outside?” Gladio offers. “I think the gallery manager wants to talk to Prompto about his photos.”

“R-really?” Prompto perks.

“Yeah,” Gladio grins, “you’re making a stir.”

“Do you need some water first?” Noctis offers.

“Maybe just a sip…?” Prompto nods.

Noctis gets Prompto some water and, once the blonde is clear headed again, they head back into the gallery proper.

Prompto’s a little stiff at first, uncertain, but Gladio greases the wheels with his own nonchalance and Noctis is trying absolutely everything to smooth over the divide between _‘Supernumerary_ ’ and ‘ _Prince of Lucis_ ’. Eventually, slowly, Prompto starts to unwind back to his playful self and they enjoy the evening chatting with patrons mostly about Prompto’s art.

It’s almost midnight when things start winding down.

“Prom,” Noctis tugs him a little closer. “Do you want a ride home? We brought the car.”

“I mean…” Prompto visibly hesitates but nods, forcing himself to commit; “yeah, that’d be super nice if you don’t mind dude?”

“Would love to.” Noctis promises.

Prompto whistles at the interior of the Regalia but in short order they’re nestling down into the leather seats. Noctis grabs Prompto’s hand, lacing their fingers, and Prompto squeezes back in a way that tells Noctis, nervous or overwhelmed, Prompto wants to swim back to him. The real him.

“So do you, like, live at the Citadel?” Prompto wonders.

“I’ve got an apartment actually,” Noctis laughs. “It’s usually pretty cosy. You should come over some time.”

“That’d be mega awesome,” Prompto squeezes his fingers. “Play video games?”

“All the video games.” Noctis promises.

When they pull up to Prompto’s parent’s house out in the outer suburbs Noctis makes to get out of the car with Prompto.

“Nocti—” Ignis twists.

“I’m just saying goodnight,” Noctis assures. “You can guard me just fine from the side walk. I’m less than fifty feet away.”

Ignis grumbles but concedes.

On the porch Prompto starts fumbling with his keys.

“You still going to text me…?” Noctis hopes.

“You’re literally the cutest, sweetest, guy I’ve ever gone on a date with so….” Prompto shrugs. “I’d be kind of crazy not to text you.”

Noctis kind of loves Prompto doesn’t mention royalty anywhere in that reason.

“Hey, so… You can say no but….” Noctis shifts a little closer. “Got that date, got my name…?”

“You don’t mind if Big Guy and Lord Disapproving see?” Prompto whispers conspiratorially.

“I don’t care.” Noctis assures, arm around Prompto’s middle.

The blonde turns into him, the pair of them beaming dumbly, and Prompto pushes up while Noctis nudges down and—

Their lips just touch, warm and real, before Ignis honks the horn _aggressively_.

Prompto laughs, falling back, and Noctis flips off the car.

“Sorry,” he winces.

Prompto’s laughing delightedly.

“Should’ve seen that one coming,” he snickers. “It’s okay. When I come to your apartment? We’ll make out for hours.”

Noctis beams, thrusting his pinkie out.

Prompto curls his around it and shakes to seal the promise.

“Night Prom,” Noctis kisses his cheek fleetingly.

“Night Loser,” Prompto winks.

Yeah, they’ll be alright. 


End file.
